When I Screw It All Up…
Instagram is usually our highlight reel of the best parts of life. Behind every human’s curated feed is a bunch of failures and mistakes. Even when we are being honest - we can never show all of the real stuff. The real hard stuff can be complex and messy.
I have made so many mistakes and have plenty of regrets as a business owner and leader. The main thing that throws me off and causes me to make big mistakes is reactivity.
When I get “reactive” I act WAY too fast, I act out of insecurity and I don’t take the time to think and therefore I lack the ability to be grounded. It is so easy for me to freak out when I learn something that is wrong or something that someone doesn't like and I want to fix it IMMEDIATELY.
My personality is naturally pretty rapid so I have to fight my natural tendencies to immediately try to make things “better”. I like to make things “better” because one of my biggest insecurities pertains to what people think about me and the business I lead. I have to be SO careful because of my natural wiring.
A few years ago, I heard criticism coming from someone I worked with and it made me feel immediately insecure. I tried to make things better for THEM without thinking first. I ended up making a lot of mistakes and that coworker was actually spewing a lot of toxicity and my reaction made it worse. In the end, I had to apologize and do clean up with multiple people on the team because of my reaction.
Sometimes it is necessary to act quickly but often we do indeed have the time to give it time. I have learned so much about myself in the last couple of years from my reactivity and mistakes.
Here are the things I have learned:
Reactivity is usually out of insecurity. Acting on insecurities makes a huge mess in all parts of life - especially when leading a business. Learn what your insecurities are and be mindful when you’re reacting in response to them. We are so much more than our insecurities and we can choose against reacting to our insecurities.
Take time to ponder when something comes up. When I take the time to take a step back, I can usually respond best and I have less regrets. I 100% have the most regrets from being reactive.
Do not allow yourself to feel pressured to answer in the moment when someone is bringing up something that is tapping into your insecurities. Tell them that you are going to come back to them later with a response. This will give you time to ground and listen to yourself and what is happening inside.
If someone is coming at you in an activated state nothing positive is going to happen. The likelihood of turning the conversation in a positive way is low. Pause the conversation and reschedule when things are not as intense. Heightened emotions cause dysregulated nervous systems that cause pain on all sides. It is very easy for a leader to get reactive in a setting like this.
Tough conversations and hard things will come up when you lead a business. You can slow it down and make better decisions - I know because this is what I am learning 🙂
So much love to you all,
Melanie
ooxx