Look for the Gift
There are many days (past and current) that I say to myself, “If I would have known how difficult owning a salon would be, I would never have done it”. Of course there are days like this. However, there are MORE days when I see the beauty of watching amazing people connect and grow in a business that I was able to help create which is a true gift. When I was 24 years old and starting a salon, I had no concept of what it would really be like and the burden I would bear. I just wanted to create a great place for me and other hairdressers to work. I ask myself often (sometimes through tears), “is the juice worth the squeeze?!”.
I didn’t hit my hardest years of ownership until five years in. Then the years got even harder at 10 years in for various reasons. In the last couple of years I have had to walk into the salons when I was secretly shattered inside. I have been knocked down badly many, many times and I know those hard times are not over…and will never be over. The hard parts will never change but I can change and I have.
I believe you can either get harder or softer with life’s challenges and it is a choice. As a small business owner, I have seen many people harden around me in similar positions because it is one of the ways to survive. My life changed forever earlier this year when my good friend (also my wisest friend) said to me, “Melanie, look for the gift”. Those words changed my brain and rearranged how I had perceived business up until that point. It was the message my hurting heart needed.
I realized that all of the difficult parts of business WERE the gift for me. I saw how the adversity had started to change me into a different person and I had a deep perspective shift. I was able to see that all of the times people said hurtful things to me, there was gratitude for learning something new for growth. I was able to see that each hard thing was a genuine opportunity for me to see the world and humanity in a different way. Previously, I would spin out in my mind for MONTHS trying to write a new story and take away the pain…but this showed me that the pain was the gift.
Without adversity, there really is no gift.
Brene Brown has a quote that has always stuck with me that relates to this,
“Strong back, soft front, wild heart”
When I think about the people that inspire me the most, it is the people with these qualities: strong back, soft front, wild heart. There is no way around growth, there is only the path THROUGH growth. You cannot get a strong back and a soft front unless you have lived through adversity and grown from it. I know for certain that this is who I want to be. I do not want to harden in the midst of adversity - that would be a waste.
We will make many mistakes, we will have to make unpopular decisions that will keep us up at night, there will be times that we want to explain ourselves and simply can’t. THIS is where the magic happens. This is where the opportunity lies.
I do not believe this is the same as toxic positivity. I believe this because the tough parts are still there and they must still be experienced for growth to happen. Finding the gift in the hard stuff is about allowing yourself to see, be humbled and become a better human and leader as a result of the shit.
I still fall to pieces behind the scenes and only a small circle of my friends and peers see this part of me these days. “Look for the gift” is my mantra in these challenging patches that reminds me that I will be able to look back and see growth. Looking for the gift has helped me to not STAY stuck. I still feel hurt and take time to grieve what I need to grieve - and I have recognized this is not a place to STAY.